#Day 11 : 10 shuffled songs

  1. Eternally – Utada Hikaru
  2. I Miss You – Aaliyah
  3. Can’t Remember to Forget You – Shakira ft. Rihanna
  4. That’s How Strong My Love Is – Alicia Keys
  5. Sweet Disposition – Temper Trap
  6. Suit & Tie – Justin Timberlake (Teza Sumendra cover)
  7. Summertime – The Sundays
  8. Ride Wit Me – Nelly
  9. Hold My Hand – Jess Glyne
  10. Dance – Justice

*proud DJ*


#Day 10 : My First Love and First Kiss

It would be perfect if your first kiss was with your first love, wouldn’t it? So I’m just going to remind you that this is not a perfect world.

My first love was with a transfer student from Surabaya. I crushed on him from 5th grade all the way to 9th grade. I bet he is still unaware of this. We’re still friends on facebook, though. :)

My first kiss was with a girl. Yep. Her name was Michelle Kieffer. Half Taiwanese-Half US Army kid who lived downstairs. I was in grade four, she in grade three and we practiced kissing out of curiosity. But, I swear, she was the one who initiated it. She took advantage of me. *innocent face*

But both of the above conclude that I’ve had adequate practice on heartache and spit-swapping. Enough to be the most understanding lover/kisser one can have. :p



#Day 8 : The Moment I Felt Most Satisfied With My Life

be present

I would say: Now. The present. I feel most satisfied with my life now. I know. I know. I haven’t accomplished much. I haven’t completed my novel or published a childrens’ picture book yet. I’m still overweight. I don’t have a driver’s license. I haven’t saved enough to perform Hajj. Haven’t had the chance to buy livestock for Hari Raya Qurban either, not even a cheap skinny goat. Still have ill-feelings towards other people. Still miss one or two prayers every other day. Don’t call my parents often enough.

I would say ‘now’ because, I have a paying job.I wake up every morning having something to do aside from work, a hobby,  a purpose. I have my dreams to pull me forward. I have my past to remind me of what I’ve been through. Not all decisions were right. But at least I’m alright.  Now.

I’m 36. I’ve been living with myself for 36 years. I’ve gotten to know myself a lot better over these years. What makes me happy. What gets me moving. What I need when life’s curtains suddenly fall on me and causes me to suffocate. What I do is sleep. Sleep it away. Call in sick. When actually, I’m not sick, I just don’t feel like doing anything. Not even writing. Not even doodling. Not even breathing. Sometimes.

I’m most satisfied with myself right now. Because she is more understanding and less demanding towards herself and others. I guess that sums up perfectly why she is grateful for her present self.



#Day7 : My Star Sign

089Jangan percaya zodiak, itu musyrik, mereka bilang. Jadi, jangan percaya kalau saya bilang saya mencocok-cocokkan astrologi hanya untuk having fun, nanti musyrik jatuhnya.

I’m a Capricorn. I’m stubborn. I consider myself classy. Yes, I am full of myself. I like the good life, but who doesn’t? I don’t take nonsense but I do forgive easily and forget (too easily). Um, where was I? Oh, I love to sleep. So does my husband. He’s a Capricorn too, by the way. A good thing we’re both stubborn at sticking together. Hopefully. Eh. Eh?

I’m independent. I’m a ferpectionist. I live off being creative. If you find me making jokes that are slightly ‘off’, please, just laugh.

Being broke makes me sick. Literally, I like, feel it in my bones and it’s not a good feeling. I don’t dream of being filthy rich. Just enough to live a stable comfy life, make good memories with my family and put my money where it’s needed.

I’m warm and caring but only when nobody’s looking. I have enough affection to light up the Eiffel Tower, I wish to believe.

I need reassuring like aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaall the time. :)



#Day6 : 30 Things About Myself

The post actually called for 30 ‘interesting’ things about myself. I’m not sure I’m that interesting, though.

1. I grew up watching Sesame Street, Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood, PeeWee’s Playhouse, I Love Lucy & The Carol Burnette Show. So this might probably explain my quirkiness.

2. I don’t do cliques. Too troublesome. Which leads to my next thing;

3. I love to be left by my lonesome.

4. I love reading. I’m grateful for growing up in a neighborhood where we lived only a few blocks away from a public library. My love for books were carved in me really early.

5. I love drawing. Thanks to my Dad, who treasured his kids silly scribbles in a folder of his in between his research clippings. His praise bought me confidence.

6. I’m the only daughter of a West Sumateran woman. I grew up with tough love. So often did I resent my mom for giving me more chores and more responsibilities just because I was a girl. I remember having to fold a blanket 3 times my size when I was little, I whined and said I couldn’t do it, but she persisted. She always did. Because she loved me. Now, seeing how some other girls grow up not being able to do basic house chores or cook, I will always look back and thank my mom for all her tough love.

7.  I can ride skateboards & can in-line skate. Another perk of being an only daughter having 3 brothers. Your fun is influenced by boy’s stuff.

8. I handwrite with my left hand. This was my mom’s big idea. And I thank her for this super power. Activating all my right-brain magic.

9. Been wearing glasses since 2nd grade of elementary school.

10. Loves sleeping in/on moving vehicles.

11. Sleeps with her mouth open ever since she was born. You know that glass room new born babies are put for viewing? My mom said I was already sleeping with my mouth open back then. Not proud, but what is there I can do?

12. Is a huge Sanrio fan. I remember always asking to wait at the small Sanrio shop at Holiday Mart while mom went grocery shopping. Just touching and ogling the cute thingies made me happy. Now, I can draw and even sew my own plush Sanrio inspired kawaii things.

13. Would like to believe she was a concubine in her previous life. From the Heian Era and close friends with Murasaki Shikibu the author of  Genji Monogatari. My name was Midori of course. ;)

14. Favorite writer: Roald Dahl.

15. Loves Kyoto Autumns.

16. Loves a wide range of music. From hip-hop to dangdut. Except for trance and grindcore, which I don’t get at all.

17. Hates cold.

18. Likes petai but not to the point of having them as a lalapan. Slivers of petai in nasi goreng, sambal goreng ati is fine. The aroma is what I love about it.

19. People assume if you like petai then you automatically like jengkol. Wrong. I don’t hate jengkol, but not a fan either. Some say jengkol tastes like meat. Lies!

20. I only just recently been able to eat fish. And picky still. The fish I eat mustn’t smell, should be fillet, with no scaly or silvery fish color whatsoever. Better fried in batter. Sushi, I love. Sashimi? You bet! Tuna? No problemo! I can eat ikan bakar but only Kuwe (Trevally) fish. Bandeng? Hmm.. Before yes, recently not so much. Too lazy to pick out the bones.

21. Learned how to drive in high school, but never got around to getting a license. And now is too scared to drive. Jakarta roads are viscous. But doesn’t want to lose to common civilization. So, will get around to driving one day.

22. Dream destinations: Mecca.

23. Must see before I die: Aurora. Australis, Islandica, or Borealis.

24. Will publish several books before I die. Illustrate my own books.

25. Is a live and let live kind of girl.

26. Except when it comes to cockroaches. However, lately I’ve opted to chase them away as opposed to squishing them with a toilet cleaner. Yesterday, I even prayed to God, “Please guide the roach out of my room.” Which later  with my own eyes, I witnessed the filthy thing scurrying out the bedroom door. :)

27. Believes she would be an awesome Mom soon.

28. Has a naughty side. A very naughty side. A naughty side you don’t wanna know. :)

29. Loves getting swept away by movies. Is the girl who sits on the edge of her seat when things get juicy. :)

30. Is a sucker for nice smiles.

#Day5 : The Time I Wanted To Disappear

I can’t recall when and why I wanted to die. I do remember how and where I went about my foolish attempt though. It was in my father’s library, which later became my room once I entered high school. So, I’m guessing it happened when I was in junior high.

I locked myself in my father’s study. Crying, most likely. The only sharp thing I could find was a box of staples. I went on to scraping my wrist with it. But I was too chicken to go deep and it hurt. I was only able to leave small cat scratch like marks. What a wimp!

What went on in my head was mostly wishing the people who hurt me would feel sorry if I disappeard. For good.

I guess, at the time, I just needed to cry it out. Like I still do sometimes.

But the girl who tried to cut her wrists with a paper staple, could’ve used a warm hug from the woman she grew up to be.

Because the woman she is now knows that suicide is a selfish deed.

Taking God’s Right into one’s hands.

Denying His Plan. Denying other people’s feelings. Other people’s lives after the loss.