– Mochtar Pabottingi
Pada suatu hari, Nadia, di rumah kecil kita
Yang selalu asri di tanganmu. Aku atau engkau
Harus belajar kembali. Merangkai rindu. Sendiri
Atau menangkap kunang-kunang. Untuk jadi teman
Pada suatu hari, Nadia
Di dalam rumah maupun di beranda akan selalu ada yang tiada
Dan akan selalu tiada yang ada
Jika aku menjelma sehelai daunan bambu
Yang tanggal. Kering dan retas. Terseret limbubu
Hingga ke padang-padang berdebu
Aku mau di ujung angin terbawa juga
[Diunggah untuk memperingati hari ini, 19 Agustus, 41 tahun silam]
#nowplaying ‘Somebody’ – Depeche Mode
People who love me want to see me happy. People who really care, pray or even get out of their way to make sure I am happy. They’re happy when I am. Funny, I’m happy when they are too.
But what if I lied? What if I told them and showed them I was happy. When in reality I was struggling. Struggling with regrets, with hopes, with ‘what ifs’ and ‘what nots’.
Is prayer really a different form of magic? But for how long will the spell last? How many spells is one allowed to cast?
If I told them I was unhappy, wouldn’t it make the people who love me feel unhappy too?
Status is just a word. Some people act like a victim when they could simply get up and leave. Leave all the negativity and toxic behind. Let that giant step leave a mark on their foreheads. Big fat reminders they will face everyday and use to strive daily in order accomplish what they came for.
And pray. Pray relentlessly that the decision they’ve made will follow them with the smallest twinge of regret.
Like the questions that will come; “Did I do my best?” “Did I give my all?” “Was I being fair?” “Will I fall or will I fly?”
Then the voice of Erin Hanson will answer, “Oh but my darling, What if you fly?’
–Even if you fall, a part of you will still remain.”
Love is just a circle with two sharp edges.