Sekali lagi aku mengucapkan terima kasih pada Mas-mas penjaga kost-kostan yang menjelaskan peraturan-peraturan yang ada. Standar. Pada prinsipnya sama dengan kostan lain yang pernah kuhuni. Jam gembok pagar, maksimal penggunaan alat elektronik, berapa potong baju yang dicucikan per hari (tak ketinggalan catatan bahwa pakaian dalam tidak termasuk dalam fasilitas laundry). Tapi aku tak mau kesan pertama jadi kurang nyaman, jadi aku ber– “hee..” “hoo..” saja sambil mengangguk anggukkan kepala seperti boneka anjing yang berdebu di dashboard angkot.

Aku selalu senang mencari-cari peninggalan orang yang dulu pernah tinggal di kamar yang kutinggali. Kubuka-buka laci meja belajar. Di sana hanya ada paper clip dan bulpen tanpa tutup yang sudah tak nyata. Meski kamar ini terletak di lorong, tapi berkat skylight yang lebar, jadinya terang. Aku beranjak ke lemari pakaian. Ada beberapa stiker yang sobek. Seolah seseorang berusaha menghilangkan stikernya tapi malah menyobeknya lantas menyerah. Stiker-stiker kegiatan klub pecinta alam dari 5 tahun silam. Gambarnya masih standar, siluet pendaki di puncak gunung menentang matahari senja.

Kunci lemari agak susah diputarnya. Ketika terbuka aku cukup lega karena model lemarinya dengan tempat menggantung pakaian. Melipat pakaian setelah disetrika menurutku malah membuat pakaian kembali kusut. Aku lebih prefer menggantung pakaian.

Bagian bawah lemari masih dialasi kertas kado warna-warni. Ah, cewek banget sih. Kucoba mencopotnya tapi malah sobek.

Apa yang kutemukan dibawahnya membuatku terkejut. Mosaik pasfoto perempuan-perempuan berseragam SMA dari yang lumayan manis sampai yang sangat-sangat cantik.

Setiap foto di selotip dengan rapih sekali. Iseng kucabut satu. Kembali aku terperangah, di balik foto, terdapat nama, nomor HP dan alamat perempuan tersebut. Kucabut yang lain dan yang lain dan yang lain lagi, semuanya bernasib sama. Tidak hanya keterangan itu tapi di bawahnya masih terdapat garis-garis hitungan seperti yang sering dilukis di dinding penjara oleh para narapidana. Pikiranku hanya bisa menerka kalau itu adalah jumlah kali ia memanfaatkan mereka. “Dasar bajingan”, ucapku pelan sambil menyeringai.

Tapi kasihan juga cewek-cewek ini, pikirku.

Cepat-cepat kuambil bak sampah, memasukkan seluruh lembar foto ke dalamnya dan menyalakan korek apiku pada kertas kado warna-warni tadi dan membakar semuanya. Kecuali satu. Gadis hitam manis berambut panjang ada sepasang lesung pipit di kedua sudut bibirnya.

Chicha Wardhani, 0815 xxxxx xxx, Kotabaru.

Tak tampak ada garis hitungan di bawahnya.

Doth not our Lord loveth thee who pray in the early watches of the morning?

The still night keeps a heightened sense of connection a being has to it’s Creator.

The connection is called

Love

And this Love is

Transcendental…

Jl. Plafon, 23 Maret 2007, 23.49

glossary:

Transcendental
adj [usually before noun]
:going beyond the limits of human knowledge, experience or reason, especially in a religious or spiritual way

Spiritual things can only be understood by symbols taken from things which are familiar to us in this life. In a sense this fleeting life itself is a symbol. History is a symbol. The whole phenomenal world is a symbol. The reality lies behind it, like the real light behind the Cave, in Plato’s Theory of Ideas. This is not to say that Islam agrees with the Vendatists in calling this whole visible world an illusion. It is an illusion to suppose that it is the only world. But it is equally an illusion to suppose that this world is of no consequence. It is of as much consequence as our thoughts, feelings, dreams, and Life. We have to make use of them, study and respect their laws, and obey the duties imposed on us by the spiritual part of us being entangled in their chain. But they are not eternal, and they will pass away. Our duty is to prepare ourselves for the truer life, the eternal life : we emancipate ourselves from them, not by fleeting them ((for that is impossible)), but by fulfilling our obligations in them, as an apprentice or probationer attains his real position by completing his apprenticeship or probation satisfactorily and so ceasing to be an apprentice or a probationer.

From this point of view there is an allegorical meaning in all experience, history, and spiritual teaching. The temporary relationships, the fleeting events. our triumphs, defeats, and difficulties in this phenomenal world, are the bridges through which we pass to the higher world. Our temporal experiences are the foundation on which our greater and real Life is built up. This greater and real Life is not merely a thing of the future. It is within us all the time, if we only seek its truer light and try to fulfill our lower and temporal functions by the more stable principles with which it furnishes us.

-two paragraphs taken from Abdullah Yusuf Ali’s – Holy Quran. Appendix VI : Allegorical Interpretation of the Story of Joseph (sura xii)

A couple can share their lover’s burden, where each would only be carrying half the amount.
A couple can share their lover’s happiness, where the joy would be twice as merry.

It’s not yet time for confessions or jumping to conclusions.
Life sways me to and fro. Like the waves that trick you into thinking they’ve come to stay, but in an instant they pull away.
God listens as I pray. He cups my cheeks in his warm and gentle hands, kisses my tears away, and makes everything happen just as He planned, somewhere in the previous eternity.
My triumphs are my losses.
My weaknesses are my strengths.
The present will be the gift the past lets go, for the future deserves it.

Let me know you to let you know me now, before and later.

I’m in love, but don’t dare say it.
I’m in love, but don’t dare show it.
I’m in love, but…it might just be me… does it really take two to love?

‘The men where you live,’ said the little prince, ‘grow five thousand roses in the same garden … and they do not find what they are looking for …’
‘They do not find it,’ I replied.
‘And yet, what they are looking for could be found in a single rose or in a little water.’
‘Yes, indeed,’ I replied.
And the little prince added: ‘But the eyes are blind. One must look with the heart.’

HOW DARE YOU rob me of my sleep
and send this surge of energy into me without a place to release it?
HOW DARE YOU be so sweet so nice but altogether so untouchable?
HOW DARE YOU let your image roam freely in my mind when your mind is sincere and locked for another?

How dare I, blame it all on you when you know not what I feel.

Kyoto, 24 Oktober 2005

She lies on her back in bed.
The room is dark, her hands cover her face.
She silently weeps. Tears seeping through her fingers down the sides of her cheeks.
Tears of anger, confusion, loss, and need.
Her shoulders tremble as her heart crumbles.
Let her cry.
Let her cry.
Let her tears wash away the expectations, dreams, hopes, and sweet nothings with him…
Sweet nothings. are nothing..
Nothing she can hold.
Nothing she can protect her fragile abstract organ with.
Let her fall asleep, in her heart-shaped garden.
Her tears magically turn into honey dew.
It twinkles in the dawn light and helps her grow.
Let her wake up the next day.
Bright and cheerful.
As the name her parents gave her.
To shine and shine forever on…

Jakarta, 2 November 2007

the view from up here is just perfect.
what I’ve always wanted.
Could we just sit up here all night?
With a warm blanket wrapped around us.
Could I just talk to you till dawn peeks from in between the sky-scrapers?
Till the tiny lights across the city, fade to the brightness of the sun.
You lay your head on my lap, and fall asleep.
My fingers stroke your hair, and I whisper my love in your ear.

-stupid human being- specimen no.2

will you hold my hand?
can I hold your hand?
will I feel guilty after that?
can we act as usual after that?
This sucks y’know…
This feeling really, really sucks and it’s getting on my nerves.
What’s love got to do with me wanting to be near you always?
I try to act as if you mean nothing.
But how am i to ignore such a kind person?
Man, this sure sucks BIG TIME.
sucks, sucks, sucks, sucks!

-stupid human being- specimen no.3

Kyoto, 28 October 2005