I would say: Now. The present. I feel most satisfied with my life now. I know. I know. I haven’t accomplished much. I haven’t completed my novel or published a childrens’ picture book yet. I’m still overweight. I don’t have a driver’s license. I haven’t saved enough to perform Hajj. Haven’t had the chance to buy livestock for Hari Raya Qurban either, not even a cheap skinny goat. Still have ill-feelings towards other people. Still miss one or two prayers every other day. Don’t call my parents often enough.

I would say ‘now’ because, I have a paying job.I wake up every morning having something to do aside from work, a hobby,  a purpose. I have my dreams to pull me forward. I have my past to remind me of what I’ve been through. Not all decisions were right. But at least I’m alright.  Now.

I’m 36. I’ve been living with myself for 36 years. I’ve gotten to know myself a lot better over these years. What makes me happy. What gets me moving. What I need when life’s curtains suddenly fall on me and causes me to suffocate. What I do is sleep. Sleep it away. Call in sick. When actually, I’m not sick, I just don’t feel like doing anything. Not even writing. Not even doodling. Not even breathing. Sometimes.

I’m most satisfied with myself right now. Because she is more understanding and less demanding towards herself and others. I guess that sums up perfectly why she is grateful for her present self.