22-10-2010

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Dear Diary,

How much more pain do I have to go through before my heart is forgiven? Will I ever find the man of my dreams? Literally, the man of my dreams. Instead of keep bumping into the men of my past whom have obviously moved on. Of course I couldn’t possibly be thinking that they’re living in some sort of limbo like I am. Searching helplessly for the man my dreams whom never let me see beyond his broad shoulders and the warmth of his hug.

So this is how one of the dream goes. It’s not a wet one. Chill. It was black and white though. I’m that cool to have a B&W dream. Yeah, cool I am. Cool people lose focus often too. Where were we? Oh, the dream. It was black and white, all the walls have just been splashed with a coat of white. The floors and furnitures were paint-proofed with old newspapers and white bed sheets. Obviously we were renovating our home. There was a ladder in the middle of the room. And this tall hunk of a man was stepping down from it. There I was, waiting for him with open arms and a big smile. I thought, A hug of a million cuddly Care Bears should feel like this. It felt so right. So warm. I had to let go to be able to see his face. But not realizing that it was only a dream, I didn’t feel the need to find out who he was. All I thought during the dream was, this man is my husband and I love him with all my body and soul. Until I woke up. And cried.

Ever since, I’ve been hugging men. Trying to find the one who’s hug feels the most like him. None of them give me precise warmth nor safety. Gemma once said, “Of course you won’t find him like that. The majority of guys who accept hugs from girls they’ve just met, are most likely to be wanting something else. Thus the energy you feel from them is lust instead of love.” She then pulls my chin so that she can look me in the eyes, “If he’s your man. He will come eventually. Just be the best you can be and the best thing for you will come along sooner or later. Insya Allah. Trust me. OK?” I tried to suck in a tear, but failed miserably and replied with a nod and a sob, “OK…”

But Rafa’s hugs were the closest.
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Leandra lalu menekan tombol Ctrl+Shift+C dan memasukkan tanggal hari itu sebelum menekan tombol Enter.

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