Seeing is Not Believing

I watch my cousin continue playing with his new XBOX 360. His last one broke for no particular reason. But that didn’t quite matter because he got it for his excellent performance during his OJT in Australia a couple of years back. He’s starting to use contacts now. He uses the dailies, which in my opinion isn’t that expensive for Rp. 200K something a 30 day pack of. I asked him what his prescription was, it was 4 points heavier than my minus 5, which already was a huge handicap for me. But we’re both too sceptic to try the now hip laser treatment.

It’s a hot Sunday afternoon and a childhood habit that we still have as cousins is always finding the coolest place to doze off while our parents chat and snack. That is, after enjoying a nice lunch with the family. The boys are hogging the XBOX and there’s no place for girls so I decided to go up to my other cousin’s room to take a nap.

The tilted sun was sending rays of light unto my pillow. I could see dust particles floating near me as if I were wearing a halo. Jardin’s room is so quiet except for the air conditioner softly humming cool air all around. I began to wonder what it would feel like to be blind. I sometimes practice walking with my eyes closed but always feel anxious after ten steps or so.

Will I recognize the warmth of the afternoon sun as a yellowish gold light or just a fuzzy gentle heat that make my cheeks blush? Will I ever be able to apply any blush-on even? I would be lucky to still have memory of color in my brain, but what about those who were born without eyesight? A whole spectrum of life would be lost from their lives. Now, I am able to choose what I wish or do not wish to see but when I’m blind I won’t be.

How will I explain colors to my child if ever God entrusts me with an eyesight-impaired human being? Will I let him or her live without knowing how beautiful God has created the earth, the magnificent landscapes of which we will never have to travel to if our pockets forbid us but may as well see them through images in the National Geographic, the television or the internet. Will I be grateful they will not be able to see poverty-stricken countries, other children’s homes being bombed in Palestine, or the scary images of the Boogieman? Honestly, I would be honored and equally freaked out to be responsible of this vicigerent of the earth, because God does not burden His beings with a burden too great for him/her to bear. I must have been chosen, I’d believe.

I really hope I can, with all my senses in tact, be able to explain what colors are. Not the explanations we healthy human beings like to associate with roses, red, yellow, pink or white. But the dominating feeling a color brings us. What is a color even when you’re blind from the start? What if he or she grows up and begins to feel love for another human being and asks what colored eye does their significant other have? If they’re green like the sea before a storm, dark and deep with an unpredictable eerie core. Or if they have dark-brown puppy eyes that remind you of bittersweet chocolate which keeps you craving for more. I’d like to be given the time and patience to be able to give him or her the sense of sight through his or her other senses. I’d explain to her that the smell of the sea is a turquoise that sparkles like a breeze quietly passing by on a hot summer’s day.

Dear Lord, if ever you give me acquaintance with a blind person let me be able to make them see that Your beauty is not only what the eyes behold.

3 thoughts on “Seeing is Not Believing

  1. Emiralda says:

    Touchy, Uni. Just another reason to be grateful.

    Though I need to check the dictionary for few words due to my limited vocab, it’s definitely worth the hassle :)

    Love this – and as usual, may I share ? :)

  2. Rendra
    and the stillness of a question that remains: “what if it’s my kid who has not eyesight? how will I explain to them how lucky they are?”
    i am well known for my empathetic ambience, to make other people see the beauty in ugly… even if they were blind, but i don’t know if God would test me with a blind kid. I’d probably trade him/her my eyes.

  3. Daniel Prasatyo says:

    My greatest fear used to be loosing my eyesight. Reading this, I realized that ‘beauty’ can also be felt, sensed..
    Thanks for sharing me this.

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